How A Depressed Partner Affects A Relationship (Plus Suggestions To Help)
Loving a depressed partner can feel like steering through fog with no coordinates—guessing, hoping, even aching for clarity. You may be the one making appointments, picking up the pieces, trying to coax joy back into the room. Meanwhile, through no fault of their own, they’re slipping further away. Depression has clouded their connection to the world, and as a result, you’re feeling like a stranger and navigating without a compass, so every step forward feels uncertain.
Perhaps even, the map you started with doesn't apply anymore. This is unfamiliar terrain, and you're trying to chart a new route without clear landmarks. Some days, you might feel like you're circling the same emotional ground. Other days, you hit unexpected roadblocks with misunderstandings, shutdowns, or moments of overwhelming silence.
You may be wondering if this is simply a rough patch. But deep down, you may also realize, it’s more of a relational shift. And the question isn't "How do I fix this?"—it's "Can we find our way back to each other with the tools we have now? Can we draw a new map together, even if the old one no longer works?"
Can Depression Make You Lose Feelings For Your Partner?
In a word: yes. Or at least, it can make it seem that way. When your partner is emotionally shut down, it becomes harder to access their warmth, humor, and intimacy that helped you fall in love. For many people, depression blunts joy, deadens connection, and sometimes repels affection. It doesn’t mean the love they have for you is gone, it’s more like it’s hidden under layers of emotional survival.
Consider your partner isn’t falling out of love—they’re falling out of reach.
But when the familiar emotional landmarks vanish, you may feel like you're suddenly off-trail, unsure whether you're heading toward reconnection—or further into the woods. People often mistake this numbness as the beginning of the end. And it might be. But more often, it’s the beginning of a cry for help. When the weight of untreated depression goes unspoken, it corrodes the foundation of even the most committed partnerships.
“I Love Them, But I’m Drowning”... The Weight Of Supporting A Depressed Partner
Let’s name something that almost no one says out loud: being with a depressed partner can make you feel depressed, too.
You might start to question your own needs. You might stop expressing them altogether because it feels like "too much." You become the default problem-solver, the motivator, the planner, the one who always rallies. And slowly, your own joy starts to fade.
This doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human.
When you're carrying the emotional weight for two, it’s easy to lose sight of your own position on the map. You may feel like you're drawing the route alone—leaving little flags of hope behind you, unsure if your partner will ever catch up. And your relationship still needs you to be whole which is where therapy comes in.
Therapy can help both partners name their needs, express their limits, and figure out whether the relationship can survive this storm—together.
Supporting A Partner With Depression
If you’re the partner of someone with depression, it’s important to remember that your love, as deep and sincere as it is, isn’t a cure. It’s not your job to fix them. Instead, try to approach them with care and openness—share what you’re noticing and ask if they’re open to talking about it. You’re not there to solve their pain, but you can gently let them know you see it.
Validation goes a long way. Even when you don’t fully understand what they’re experiencing, simply acknowledging their struggle can soften the space between you. At the same time, don’t abandon your own well-being. Make room for rest, for therapy, for small joys that refill your tank. The boundaries you maintain will help you maintain your own well-being.
What If You’re The One Who’s Depressed?
If you are the one struggling with depression, know this: your pain is real, and it matters. Even the smallest actions—like getting outside for five minutes, texting a trusted friend, or saying one true thing about how you feel—can begin to shift the weight.
Help is available, and you deserve it. Therapy isn’t just for crises—it’s for reclaiming your life from the numbness or ache that’s taken hold.
According to Psychology Today, depression can distort perception—making even your most trusted relationships feel unsafe or out of reach. With support, those distortions can be named, understood, and healed. Getting support can help you be someone who feels more at ease in your own mind, more connected to what matters, and more capable of navigating the hard days.
How To Get Out Of A Depression Funk—Together Or Alone
One of the most searched questions online is how to get out of a depression funk. And while there’s no magic switch, there are real steps that can help.
If you're the one in the funk:
Know that even the most paralyzing emotional state can begin to shift with small, repeated actions. This might look like getting sunlight on your skin first thing in the morning. Drinking a glass of water. Moving your body for five minutes. Sending one text. Depression makes everything feel like too much—but change begins with less than you think.
If you're supporting a partner in this space:
Patience is crucial, but so is invitation. You can gently suggest walks, offer to sit with them in silence, or ask, “What would feel like relief today?” You can’t pull someone out of a depression funk—but you can be a steady presence beside them as they climb out.
Loving someone who’s struggling can feel like loving through fog, and if that fog doesn’t lift, it’s easy to lose your sense of direction. Whether you're struggling yourself or trying to hold space for someone else, therapy can help clarify the path forward—together or apart. Even if the trail feels hidden or uncertain, support can help you take the next right step, one marker at a time.
How TVC Can Help
At The Virtual Counselors, we know how devastating depression can be for individuals and couples alike.
Our therapists work with both partners to:
Create an environment for honest conversations
Rebuild emotional intimacy after periods of shutdown
Support personal growth and boundaries in relationships
Address related issues like anxiety, compulsive behavior, or trauma
Whether you’re here to save your relationship or simply find peace in the midst of struggle, we can help.
Let us help you draw your next map—whether that leads back to each other, or toward peace on your own path. Reach out today.
Why Choose Our Online Virtual Counselors?
Specialized Expertise: Our therapists aren’t generalists. They specialize in different areas of mental health, ensuring you get the tailored support you need.
Convenience: No commuting, no waiting rooms. Receive therapy from the comfort of your home, office, or wherever you feel safe and relaxed.
Flexibility: Our virtual platform can adapt to your schedule. You decide when you want to have your session.
Confidentiality: Just like traditional face-to-face therapy, our online sessions are private and confidential.
If you’re seeking an online, virtual counseling in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Maryland, Virginia or Florida, please reach out for a complimentary consultant today.
