How To Talk With Your Depressed Husband About Entering Therapy
The isolation of living with a depressed husband can feel like being locked in a room with someone who won’t make eye contact. You still do the dishes. Still going to work. Still sleeping beside each other—but emotionally, it’s like he’s vanished.
And often, it doesn’t begin with a dramatic shift. It starts subtly. He’s quieter than usual. Then it turns into silence. Days pass without touch. Weeks go by with cold, clipped words. You ask, "What’s wrong?" and he says, "I’m fine." But he’s not. You know he’s not.
Maybe you’ve searched, my depressed husband is pushing me away. Or maybe he blames you, and you're wondering if it’s somehow your fault. You're not alone. And you're not wrong for wanting more connection, more answers, and most of all—hope.
What Might Be Going On
Depression in men often doesn’t look like crying in bed and it is often missed entirely. It might look like anger, withdrawal, criticism, or total disinterest. Men with depression may appear irritable, aggressive, or emotionally distant, and they are more likely to report fatigue, sleep disturbances, or a loss of interest in work or hobbies. It might look like staying up all night scrolling job listings—or none at all. It might show up as "just tired," "just stressed," or "just let me be."
For example, think of Jack and Marcy.* Jack was laid off unexpectedly. He told Marcy he was “working on it,” but soon he stopped showering. He stayed in the basement, playing games. Marcy felt helpless, unseen, and angry. “My husband is unemployed and depressed,” she told her best friend, but the words still felt foreign. She didn’t know what to do.
Understanding that depression can take many forms is the first step to engaging it. Recognizing it gives you a chance to face it together without trying to fix your husband or fight with him.
[*Based on clinical experience, not real names.]
Why He Might Refuse Help (At First)
Even if you say it gently—"I think therapy could help"—he may shrug it off. Or get defensive. Or flat-out refuse.
This may simply be because asking for help can feel unfamiliar, threatening, or even shameful—especially for men taught to be strong, self-reliant, or silent about emotional pain. Instead of framing therapy as fixing what’s "wrong," consider introducing it as something new: a tool, a conversation, a place to figure things out—not a verdict on who’s broken.
How To Talk Without Pushing Him Further Away
Timing matters. Don’t bring it up mid-fight or in the middle of dinner cleanup. Look for quieter moments, and do your best to frame it as an invitation, not a command.
You could say:
"I’ve been worried about you, and I wonder if talking to someone might help you feel less alone."
"Would you ever consider couples therapy for depression, so we can work on this together?"
"I don’t have all the answers either, but I’d like us to find someone who can help."
You don’t have to convince him in one conversation. What you’re offering is presence, not pressure.
Therapy Questions To Ask Together (Or Alone)
At The Virtual Counselors, we know it can be intimidating to start therapy—especially when you're unsure if your partner will participate. That’s why we want you to feel safe asking the real questions, the ones that matter most to you.
We offer virtual and hybrid options so you can stay in your comfort zone while still getting support. If you’re not ready to be seen in person, you don’t have to be. We’ll meet you where you are.
Here are a few questions we invite you to ask us:
Have you worked with couples where one partner is depressed?
How do you support the spouse who feels like they’re doing all the emotional labor?
What if my husband refuses to come—can I still do therapy with you?
Couples Therapy For Depression: When You Need More Than Hope
Sometimes depression doesn’t just affect one person—it becomes the third presence in the relationship, quietly reshaping how you communicate, parent, and connect.
We work with couples who feel like they’re barely making eye contact, let alone making progress. Depression can build walls between you and your partner—but therapy can help bring you back to each other. Using approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Internal Family Systems (IFS), we help couples reestablish trust, rebuild safety in their communication, and create practical, real-life ways to feel more connected day to day.
To catch up with Jack and Marcy, a few months later, they were sitting side by side in a virtual session, something they hadn’t done in years. With support, Jack started individual therapy while Marcy met separately to process her own feelings. Eventually, they tried a joint session—and then another.
It wasn’t easy, but slowly, they started to laugh again, to share small details about their days, to rebuild intimacy through honesty and kindness. Therapy didn’t erase Jack’s depression, but it gave them both language, tools, and the space to find their way back to each other.
How The Virtual Counselors Can Help
You don’t have to figure this out alone—and you don’t have to be perfectly ready to start. We’ll meet you wherever you are. We offer flexible, private therapy options for:
Individuals looking for depression therapy in New York.
Those interested in CBT therapy techniques for depression in NJ.
And couples who want to explore therapy together—even if one of you is unsure or reluctant at first
Whether you’re showing up solo or together, we’re licensed in NY, NJ, PA, CT, MA, MD, VA, and FL and accept most insurance plans to support your healing, without shame, pressure, or judgment.
You don’t have to wait for things to get worse. You can start healing today.
Note: If you’re in crisis or experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please call 911 or visit your nearest emergency room. You can also contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
Why Choose Our Online Virtual Counselors?
Specialized Expertise: Our therapists aren’t generalists. They specialize in different areas of mental health, ensuring you get the tailored support you need.
Convenience: No commuting, no waiting rooms. Receive therapy from the comfort of your home, office, or wherever you feel safe and relaxed.
Flexibility: Our virtual platform can adapt to your schedule. You decide when you want to have your session.
Confidentiality: Just like traditional face-to-face therapy, our online sessions are private and confidential.
If you’re seeking an online, virtual counseling in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Maryland, Virginia or Florida, please reach out for a complimentary consultant today.
