Should I Stay In A Sexless Marriage Or Leave? (Insights From A Marriage Therapist)
Let’s be honest—no one walks down the aisle expecting intimacy to fade into the background. Yet, for many couples, sex becomes an unspoken absence, something they stop discussing because the conversation itself feels too painful. Maybe you’ve tried to bring it up and been dismissed, or perhaps the rejection stings so much that silence feels like the safer choice. Over time, that silence turns into distance, and suddenly, you’re wondering: Is this just a phase? Or is this my life now?
If you’ve landed here, you’re likely wrestling with a difficult question: Should I stay in a sexless marriage or leave? It’s a deeply personal decision, but one that deserves honest exploration.
Why Do People Stay In A Sexless Marriage?
Many couples stay in marriages without intimacy for longer than they ever imagined—sometimes even indefinitely. You may be thinking, "Without sex, there's no way I’d stay." But relationships aren’t always that simple. Love, history, shared experiences, children, and financial security all play a role in why people choose to stay in marriages that no longer fulfill them physically.
Here’s what often keeps people in place:
Love is still present. Some couples share a deep emotional connection, even if the physical aspect has faded.
The fear of breaking up a family. Many stay for their children, wanting to maintain stability and avoid the pain of divorce.
Financial and logistical concerns. Splitting assets, finding new housing, and starting over can feel overwhelming.
The hope that things will change. A belief that intimacy can be rekindled with time, effort, or external factors improving.
Fear of loneliness. The idea of being alone or starting over can feel more daunting than staying in an unfulfilling relationship.
But the reality is that Hope alone doesn’t fix an intimacy problem. If a sexless marriage is making you feel invisible, unimportant, or fundamentally disconnected, then the real question is not just why you’re staying—but whether this relationship is still fulfilling your needs.
When Is A Sexless Marriage A Dealbreaker?
Having sex in a relationship is more than just doing the act. It's also about being wanted, connected, and intimate. When one partner deeply desires that connection and the other consistently avoids it, resentment begins to build. Over time, that resentment can turn into something more damaging than the lack of sex itself: emotional distance.
There are key signs that a sexless marriage might be crossing into dealbreaker territory:
Your partner refuses to acknowledge the issue or work on it.
The lack of intimacy has led to emotional disconnection.
Conversations about your needs are met with defensiveness, blame, or indifference.
You feel chronically rejected, unwanted, or unseen.
The absence of sex has left you questioning your own self-worth.
These may be signs of a struggling sex life, but more likely, they’re signs of a relationship in crisis. Moving forward requires both partners to willingly acknowledge the issue and commit to working on it together.
Can a Sexless Marriage Be Saved?
It depends.
If both partners are willing to address the underlying issues—whether they stem from stress, trauma, resentment, or misaligned desires—there’s a real chance of rebuilding intimacy. But rekindling that connection takes more than just agreeing to “try.” It requires openness, effort, and a willingness to have difficult conversations.
For couples willing to work through it, here’s where to start:
Talk about it—honestly. The conversation may be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. If sex is important to you and your partner is unwilling to address it, that speaks volumes about the state of your relationship.
Examine the deeper causes. Is stress, health, past trauma, or unresolved resentment at play? Often, sex is not the root issue—it’s a symptom of something else.
Rebuild emotional intimacy first. Many sexless marriages don’t lack desire as much as they lack emotional safety. Without connection, sex feels transactional rather than meaningful.
Work with a therapist. Having a neutral third party, like the therapists at The Virtual Counselor, can help uncover what’s really happening beneath the surface.
Redefine what intimacy means. For some couples, reconnecting starts outside the bedroom—with touch, affection, and small moments of closeness that reestablish trust.
When To Walk Away
What if you’ve tried everything, and nothing changes? What if your partner refuses to acknowledge the issue, let alone work on it? What if the loneliness of being in this marriage feels worse than the thought of being alone?
At some point, staying becomes more painful than leaving. That’s when it may be time to let go—not because you’re selfish, not because you didn’t try hard enough, but because you deserve a relationship where your needs matter.
How Therapy Can Help You Reconnect
Therapy can be an essential tool in navigating these difficult questions. At The Virtual Counselors, we help couples explore their relationship dynamics, uncover underlying issues, and determine the best path forward—whether that means working toward reconnection or finding the courage to part ways with clarity and self-respect. Our approach focuses on creating open, honest conversations where both partners feel heard and supported.
If intimacy has disappeared from your marriage, therapy can help you:
Identify emotional and psychological barriers to intimacy.
Develop communication strategies to express your needs without conflict.
Rebuild trust and connection through structured exercises and guided conversations.
Understand whether your relationship has the potential to improve—or whether it’s time to move on in a healthy way.
At some point, staying becomes more painful than leaving. That’s when it may be time to let go—not because you’re selfish, not because you didn’t try hard enough, but because you deserve a relationship where your needs matter.
Sex may not be everything, but it’s not nothing either. If you’re living in a sexless marriage and feeling unfulfilled, you don’t have to resign yourself to a life of disconnection. Whether that means rebuilding intimacy or finding the strength to walk away, the goal is to have a relationship where you feel valued, loved, and fully alive.
Why Choose Our Online Virtual Counselors?
Specialized Expertise: Our therapists aren’t generalists. They specialize in different areas of mental health, ensuring you get the tailored support you need.
Convenience: No commuting, no waiting rooms. Receive therapy from the comfort of your home, office, or wherever you feel safe and relaxed.
Flexibility: Our virtual platform can adapt to your schedule. You decide when you want to have your session.
Confidentiality: Just like traditional face-to-face therapy, our online sessions are private and confidential.
If you’re seeking an online, virtual counseling in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Maryland, Virginia or Florida, please reach out for a complimentary consultant today.
